Marriage Issues—Divorce, Infidelity and Separation

A universal law, applicable to all humans, not just Jews and not just Christians: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Jesus takes us back to the beginning: "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh" (Matthew 19:4,5)?

Jesus makes it clear: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6).

In sum:

• Marriage is a universal law.
  
  
• Marriage is a duly recognized covenant relationship entered into by a single man and a single woman.
  
  
• Marriage lasts until one spouse dies.
  
  
• Even after a divorce is forgiven the original marriage exists before God.
  
  
• To remarry while the first spouse is still living is contrary to the will of God.
  
  • Remarriage is an act, which God forgives upon repentance.
    
  • Remarriage is a state, which must be abandoned. "How shall we, that are dead to sin, continue any longer therein?" (Romans 6:2).
    
    
• Being divorced is not necessarily sin. (If I divorce my wife, I sin but she doesn't, unless she agrees to the divorce. If my wife divorces me, she sins but I don't, unless I agree to the divorce.)
  
  

So, as per the old saying marriages are made in heaven. But in today’s scenario they are made in heaven but broken on the earth (as sometimes they're not made to last). Often times, it all started with the challenges you've faced as a family where both parents actively pursue successful careers. One way to understand marriage, then, is to believe that we ourselves are the creators and masters of our marriages.

From the perspective of this faith, the marriage vow is not an external reality, or standard, but instead a subjective projection, deriving its meaning solely from the couple. In this way, the couple is bigger than the marriage; the two partners themselves become, in effect, the gods of their marriage. The couple does not create the vow as much as the vow creates the couple. The marriage is bigger than the couple and also points to something beyond itself. Constantly reminding us that we find ourselves only through sincere self-giving, marriage encourages us to love one other person with a clarity that can give us a hint of what true love actually is.

Undoubtedly, marriage is a great institution and can be considered highly religious activity. In the deepest sense it is. Marriage is naturally religious, we might say, because people naturally care about what is important in life and what is true about themselves, including what is important and true about embodiment, sexual intimacy, love, and procreation. It is not just about taking but giving as well. Both the partners should show utmost care and emotion to each other’s feeling, should have realistic expectations from each other and should consider it as sacred. But it is not the case as it should be most of the times, and that’s why we witness so many marriages that are broken every day, every month and every year. Whatever may be the reasons but broken marriages have many socioeconomic and psychological repercussions on the couples, their children and their family as a whole.

Let’s discuss some of the most common marriage issues: divorce, infidelity and separation.

Divorce:

A divorce is a court judgment ending a marriage. The court requires a "legal reason" for the divorce. You do need to choose a "grounds," or legal reason, for the divorce that fits the facts of your situation. It is sufficient that you and your husband don't get along any more and don't want to be married any more. In addition to legally ending your marriage, the court looks at other issues, which need to be decided before the divorce is finalized.

Marriage is a lifelong covenant or agreement between a man and a woman and forms the foundation of families. The family is to provide physical, emotional and spiritual care for its members as it enables them to serve God, other persons and creation. Parents have the privilege and unique responsibility of leading their children to know God and his ways as well as the world around them.

But these days there is another issue when it comes to define these terms—same sex marriages! For example, a lesbian couple in Toronto was granted Canada's first same-sex divorce on September 14, 2004. Having married on June 18, 2003, the couple stayed together for 5 days, but challenged the constitutionality of Canada's divorce laws that only allowed a man and woman to be divorced. The decisions, which redefined marriage to include same-sex couples, created this dilemma by altering the definition of marriage. Canada's divorce laws presupposed a heterosexual definition of marriage.

Divorce is a life-transforming experience for all parties involved. Long-time researcher-author Judith Wallerstein reported many of the children in her longitudinal study on divorce weren’t aware their parents were having serious problems; their parents’ divorce marked the end of their childhood. Wallerstein says a family break-up is so detrimental to kids because “children identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals, but with the relationship between them.” From the child’s perspective, mother and father are a naturally inseparable unit.

Compared to children from intact homes, children of divorce are far more likely to struggle academically, engage in drug and alcohol use and other high-risk behaviors, commit suicide, experience psychiatric problems, live in poverty, and have a greater likelihood to divorce themselves. Thirty years of research conclusively shows its harm to children in virtually every measure. Studies support marital longevity as a vital component of good health for children and adults alike.

Infidelity:

Infidelity is a sign that something is seriously wrong with a marriage. Find out the signs of infidelity, how cheating affects your relationship, how to cope with moving on after an affair, what you can do to repair your marriage and much more. Statistics show that 85% of women, and 50% of men eventually discover their suspicions were right and their spouse was cheating, but this is not the only gauge.

There can be thousand reasons and almost the similar signs to detect infidelity, but according to specially dedicated website Infidelity.com, the top 10 signs of a cheating spouse are:

• Working a lot of overtime

• Excessive use of the Internet

• Unaccountable hours?

• Hiding the cell/house phone bill

• Saying "It's your imagination"

• Receiving hang up phone calls

• No longer interested in sex

• No longer wearing a wedding ring

• New sexual techniques

• Saying "I need my space"

For more details, please visit the website: http://www.infidelity.com. Here you will find numerous resources to counter this problem. If you have suspicions that your spouse is having an affair, you may be wondering what to do. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with your suspicious thoughts and alternatives to spying on your partner.

Another great resource is Marriage Builders. Marriage Builders® site is one of the top infidelity support site on the Internet. For Infidelity, they have a step-by-step online guide on recovering from marital infidelity. Having an amazing level of infidelity understanding from beginning to end. For more details, visit: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

Separation:

Legal separation is an agreement between couples to stay married but decided to live separately and it is not at all a prerequisite to divorce i.e. dissolution of marriage. Legal separation is a formal judgment issued by a court of law that all the issues concerning a marriage have been resolved (child custody, child visitation, child support, spousal support, distribution of property, attorney fees, and personal conduct) with the exception of marital status.

In other words, a judgment of a legal separation lawsuit leaves the couple with the legal status of married persons while settling the respective rights and obligations that each spouse has to the other. Spouses who are legally separated are not free to marry since neither has been returned to the legal status of an unmarried or single person.

Legal separation is usually practiced when both the couples want to stay married for any reason (like religious reasons, want the advantage of deductibility and income tax reasons, or do not want to wait the state statutory waiting period for termination of marital status). For some people, a legal separation is desired to set the parameters for dealing with one another while living separate and apart while maintaining the status of being married, and leaving the door open for a reunion/resumption of marriage. As there is thin line difference between divorce and legal separation, so many people get confused with both the issues (in both cases the partners live separately, but in one case they are still considered to be married, while in other they are not having status of married couple).

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